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The past two years have been all about adjusting to motherhood and finding my way through it via craft. The out pouring of this came in the form of my blog Aunty Mum. Now I'm finally finding my feet, the children are growing, I'm getting some independence and my interests are morphing . . . into cooking. Join me in exploring creativity in many forms, food, fabric, frowns and laughter.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Never Look Back

I let myself do something that is, in my life, a cardinal sin. I allowed myself to imagine what I'd be doing if I had my old life back.

I was down in the pool, the air was freezing, it was raining, I was tired and Kayley and Rogan kept jumping all over me. I made them go make a lot of noise and splashes in the corner of the pool and took a moment to just close my eyes. Without realising I was day dreaming about what I'd normally be doing on a cold winter day.

As a rule, Sunday's were my non-contact days. I tried not to see anyone or speak to anyone. So I know that I would have slept in until about 10am in my lovely little flat and got up to do a bit of house work, washing etc. I'd have browsed the net for a bit, read a bit of my book, done something creative, had an afternoon nap, watched some delicious drama on UK TV. I'd have something wholesome prepared for dinner, had a hot bath with my book, got into my pajamas about 5pm, closed all the curtains, got the fire going and revelled in the bliss of aloneness.

Quite a different scenario from the one I lived today: and blatantly obvious why I do not let myself look back on what life used to be like. Yes, my life is fuller. Yes it's full of joys I had no idea about. Yes I am so blessed to have three beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive . . . and noisy . . . children. That's not to say I didn't love my past life either.

But . . . as with every difficult day, I have half an hour to myself once they're all in bed, then I go into each of their rooms and see them sleeping all snuggled and warm and know that the day is done, we survived and I still love them more than life itself.

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