For the most part I feel like I'm floundering in this new life of mine. This life where time is measured in three and six minute time out increments rather than long leisurely hours of peace and solitude; this life where I feel more like a referee in a wrestling match than a mother; this life where I feel like I speak in raised voices most of the time instead of intimate whispers; this life where the I love you comes in a little innocent voice and you know it's meant from the heart; this life where every detail is organised to the tiniest degree rather than being able to just wing it and see what happens. Yes, for the most part, I feel like I'm floundering. So when I hear what, to most people, is a throw away comment I really pat myself on the back.
I got two of these this morning. I was watching Kayley perform her jobs that are required on arriving at school when the mother of one of her class mates came up and told me that her daughter loves Kayley's array of crocheted hats and why can't her mum make her some. I smiled then because so often my crochet time feels more like a self indulgent waste of time rather than having an impact on anything greater.
The second comment really was a throw away comment from the teacher. We'd forgotten Kayley's home reading book: "Never mind," says the teacher. "You're always so good at remembering to bring everything every day, so just bring it back on Monday". So maybe all that organising isn't in vain.
So this morning, I sit at my computer with the washing machine whirling, Rogan trying to hack his way into his grandparent's computer, Janae re-arranging all the shoes on the shoe rack and the weekend baking begging to be started and I don't mind. I may feel like I'm floundering, but I think we're doing okay really!